The way a healthy relationship should be

I am no expert or professional when it comes to relationships, but I am merely posting this from my perception AS A GIRL of how I THINK a healthy relationship should be. 

Some may disagree (it's alright since everyone is entitled to their own opinion); but these are MINE.

1) Personal Space

I believe this is something that most girls (or maybe guys) would be afraid to ask for ; especially if they have an overly-attached boyfriend/girlfriend.

As much as both of you love each other like there's no end to the world, each of you deserve your own PERSONAL SPACE.

In fact, it is an essential element of a healthy relationship. Guys/Girls who are constantly getting annoyed or pissed whenever the girlfriend/boyfriend has their own activities need to learn the basic RESPECT.

Loving someone is not about OWNING them. There are times when both parties have their own interests to pursue as well. 

Having personal space does not mean your special someone will do something unfaithful or bad behind your back.  It simply means respecting each other's privacy to do what he/she wants without being overly imaginative or upset that he/she is doing something without you.

2) Acceptance

Whether it is BEFORE or during the process of wooing the girl of your dreams, take the time to really UNDERSTAND her and the things she does as part of her lifestyle, such as her hobbies and passion, etc.

Do you see yourself accepting everything about her; and overlooking the little flaws because you just love her for who she is?

Or do you find yourself trying to change/restrict her because you are against the things that she usually enjoy doing? (Seriously?)

Nothing is of perfection in this world. It's all about ACCEPTANCE.

If you know that her "pattern" is already like that; and it is something that you find acceptable - by all means, go for it.

Do not complain later when you already knew she is only being herself- Afterall, you chose her and should not expect her to give up everything for you. (Unless the girl is stupid enough to be a no-lifer)
Don't give comments such as "If you love me, you would care about how I feel blah blah blah".
YES, if YOU LOVE HER, then never, ever attempt to restrict the things that she enjoy doing in order to make yourself feel better. Even if you do not like it, learn to compromise.

If loving you means expecting her to give up the little things she enjoy doing during her free time; then you should either get a life, or move on and find someone who lives in a cave.

Love is about being different YET accepting each other's differences and making it work.

Do not expect and demand that people fit into your mould before you love them.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences and mistakes and YET still sees the best in you. 

3) Physical/Moral Support

Do you have a supportive partner that will always offer his/her best wishes to you- even if it means something that would be of disadvantage to him/her? 

I'll quote an example.

Your girlfriend or boyfriend is eager to clinch that scholarship he/she has always wanted so badly. However, having that scholarship will mean that both of you have to sacrifice spending time together as much as before.

Dilemma much?

Will you give him/her your support and sincerely wish the best for him/her, OR be upset and whine about how both of you will have lesser time together -and even secretly wishing that he/she would not get it so it wouldn't happen? 

If you are someone who understands love, I'm sure this isn't a difficult question to answer.

4) TRUST

I have heard countless stories of how boyfriends would constantly check on their girlfriends; be it browsing through her chat histories with her friends on their phones, demanding to know where she is every single time. (Yes, these are true stories based on what some of my friends told me)

Despite the fact that she has never cheated and even given you constant reassurances, will you start DOUBTING her every single time when she is out of your sight?

She goes down to the coffeeshop, you'll think that the coffeeshop uncle will tackle her.
She goes to the bus-stop, you'll think that a guy asking for directions will tackle her.
She interacts with a normal guy friend, you'll think that there is something fishy and he is up to no good.
She enters the lift with a guy by coincidence, you'll feel unhappy.

Does your imagination run wild and your mind starting to build its own assumptions?

 Come on, where is the basic TRUST?

Yes, some guys have insecurities issues or even inferiority complex. Unfortunately, that is something that they have to overcome.

Stop thinking that every guy is a threat to you - Be confident that no guy can be ever compared to your status for she has chosen you and ONLY you as the one.

If loving her means she has to give you 101% of her attention without being out of your sight in order to make you feel secure, then I am sorry to say that you are just a selfish snob.

Good relationship doesn't need promise, terms and conditions. It just need a She who can trust and a He who can be loyal.

5) Jealousy

It's true when people say that Jealousy is a killer. 

And it's ironic when jealousy is always associated with LOVE.

Don't get me wrong. It is perfectly alright and normal to feel jealous.

However, you should know that the red light is shining when you get OVERLY jealous; so much that it is to an extreme level.

Do you find yourself feeling jealous when your girlfriend is receiving attention from the opposite gender?

Take social media platforms such as Facebook for example.

There are girls who take limitless amount of selfies (Hey, it's a trend now!) and post them on their profile. In less than half an hour, there would be hundreds or even thousands (depends on the girl's popularity or appealing factor) of comments and/or "likes"; mostly from the opposite gender.

As a boyfriend, would you feel proud that she is your girlfriend; or do you blame her for the attention?

As a girl, it is NORMAL to receive attention from guys (especially if you are extra beautiful or attractive). This is a fact. Men are attracted to girls. UNLESS YOU ARE NOT A REAL MAN.

Does your boyfriend find fault in you just because of the attention you are attracting - even when you least expect it?

 (If the answer is "Yes", I am sure you will feel yourself being trapped as a helpless soul)

By blaming her for the attention beyond her control is just like blaming her that she is born a female.

Confident men will be proud of their partners. If she isn't attractive/appealing to begin with, would you even have taken notice of her in the first place?

Have FAITH in her. If she truly loves you, no amount of attention given by other men would change her heart. (It's not like she is flirting with them in return anyway, right?! Unless if she is, then I would say that she isn't a keeper)

A girl receiving attention isn't a crime - So don't make it appear like it is.

6) Guilt-tripping

Guilt-tripping is one of the worst killers ever. This usually works for people who feel guilty easily; but it sure is an unhealthy trait in any relationship.

If you have no idea what Guilt-tripping is all about, here is an example:

Girl: Honey, I would like to meet my friends for dinner and probably catch a movie tonight. 

Boy: *appears upset* Does that mean that we are unable to spend time together today then?

Girl: Aww.. I am sorry. But I have already promised my friends and it has been a long time since we last catch up.

Boy: Well then, go for it if that makes you happy. Seems like I'll have to spend tonight ALL BY MYSELF and eat dinner ALL ALONE. Go ahead to meet your friends ba. 

Girl: *starts feeling guilt-stricken* But...

Boy: *trying to act all fine* Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine BY MYSELF.

Now... Do you get what I mean by guilt-tripping?? It's a psychological effect to make the other party feel GUILTY when things don't really go the way you desire.

Its an act of inducing guilt.

Don't be mistaken - Sometimes people do not even know that they are committing guilt-tripping. They do it sub-consciously.

I know of friends who feel guilty really easily, and I am 100% sure they will be victims of guilt-tripping if such situations happen. 

Relationship is about GIVE and TAKE. In fact, there isn't a PERFECT match in this world. Perfection is when both parties accept each other imperfections and compromise on the differences.

Always remember, LOVE is supposed to enhance your life, not COMPLICATE your life.

Should a relationship fail, do not think about what the other party did wrong. Instead, think about what YOU did wrong. Learn, improve and ensure not to repeat them in the next.

Let It Go... ...

Yes, this post shall serve as a closure to a chapter in my life.

Although I do not have the need to answer to anyone, but in order to prevent people from probing or asking much - YES, we broke up.

It may come as a shock to many as we were always seen as such a loving/sweet/romantic couple. We behaved like what an ideal couple would be; often being envied by others for our seemingly flawless relationship.

 It almost seemed impossible for any break-up to happen between us, but sometimes... ... Life is indeed unexpected. 

Probably our love isn't meant to be, I don't know.

I am a simple lady; someone who is willing to love her guy wholeheartedly (and a loyal one at that) if treated the right way.

I am not accusing him of not treating me right - no. Don't get me wrong. In fact, he treated me like a princess. 

He sent me home daily whenever he could, bought me meals, never forgetting to tell me "I love You" daily, hugged me, waited for me whenever I worked late hours just to ensure I am home safely, showered me with gifts despite his limited financial capability (although I have often told him not to), cooked for me, etc... The list goes on. The amount of things he have done for me is beyond comprehension; and I do appreciate every single thing he did.

However, every relationship has its dark side as well. I am not trying to ruin his reputation here or pinpointing who is in the right or wrong. 

The sad fact is, we were quarreling almost on a daily basis - it's emotionally straining and have definitely taken a toll on our health as well; and most of the time were due to EXTERNAL issues.

As much as I accepted everything of him; I guess... I couldn't say the same for him.

1) I am a social media enthusiast

Even before our paths crossed, I was already very active in social media. I'm a blogger. I use Facebook frequently. I post updates very often.

Personally, I feel that it is perfectly normal to have friends commenting on the things I posted. This is social media afterall. I am not one that would want my social media life to interfere reality as I draw the line very well.

Imagine how appalled I was when he started getting pissed and confronted me for my friends'  casual comments over a photograph of myself; telling me how he hated the kind of attention I was attracting. Even with a simple comment that I look good would be enough to make him blow his top.

 In all honesty, most of my Facebook updates were for my documentation purposes meant for blogging. I had no means to attract any kind of attention (I have never thought of myself to be THAT attractive, anyway). I thought it was unfair to me in a sense that I have absolute no control over certain Facebook comments that were posted by others. 

I am not even anyone popular; how much attention can I get other than from my limited amount of  real life friends?

He told me that he could not understand why I have idiots (they are my real life friends) on my Facebook and felt they should be removed.

I made an effort to explain in whichever way I could; but was returned with him insisting that I should EXPECT the attention.

I believe it was more of expecting a quarrel from him whenever I receive positive comments on Facebook. It has happened way too MANY times - He has always confronted me and expressing how pissed he was over casual remarks made by my male friends. He hated any males who interacted with me.

Ever since I was attached, I had been very cautious of my Facebook and stopped accepting random friend requests from strangers that I do not know personally in real life. He was often expressing to me about his insecurities, and I respected that.

I was really faithful to him - and cheating, flirting, or getting associated with any guy other than him has never crossed my mind. I was so determined to make him my first and last boyfriend. (Hey, I would be so proud of this fact!)

I was very helpless as it appeared that I was forced to make a choice between social media and my relationship with him eventually. Compromising seemed to be out of the question for him.

 Bottomline: Do I really have to feel like a criminal for doing normal things?

2) Walking on eggshells

I felt like I was walking on eggshells every single time due to his insecurity issues. He was often paranoid about how other guys would "tackle" me (when in fact I have told him numerous times that I would definitely reject if that happens). 

Logically speaking, I have no control if any guy interacts with me. BUT I have the control to stop the interaction. Well, probably I did not give him enough sense of security to trust me enough? I have always felt that there is no trust in our relationship at all. No matter how much I attempted to assure him, he w ould often get paranoid whenever it comes to friends of the opposite gender. 

There were many times when he wanted me to change my Facebook's display picture that features us as a couple. To him, this is an added security feature that would keep assholes away from tackling me. He was pissed that I did not change my relationship status on Facebook as well to include his name in it.
For me, I gave him all the trust I could. I don't need him to declare his love to me openly-  As long as he does not do anything that is against moral values; I am perfectly fine with it. Even if he were to tell me that his group of friends would include several females ; I wouldn't make a fuss about it as well.

 I have told him before that my love for him is very real - and definitely not determined by any social media elements.

3) Blogging = Offence?

Being a blogger, advertising or promoting our own blog is common. I did a simple badge for myself on the Carousell app - which he was not happy about it at all and questioned me why I "like to do these kind of things" and said that I was an attention seeker.

Does promoting my blog (which is what most bloggers would do as well) make me an attention seeker?
After we had our fatal quarrel, I decided to calm down by not replying his messages temporarily for the night (I had an early train ride to catch the following day as well).
Much to my horror, I found myself being bombarded with his messages the next morning, stating his disbelief at how I could ignore him and "disappear" just like that.
I believe it's seriously a misunderstanding that will never be resolved. 

A girl can tell the whole world how much she loves her guy; but ended up cheating behind his back.

I may not be constantly telling everyone how much I love him, but one thing for sure - I did give him my heart.

Probably our love happened at the wrong time.
I have to accept the fact that as much as he claimed to love me, he had wanted to take minimal control of my life. I feel restrained whenever he felt unhappy over issues that I thought was normal, but they weren't to him.
He has seen social media as a threat to him, and there was no way that he would think otherwise despite my countless  explanations.
(He told me that he doesn't need any explanation).
Seriously, there is no point anymore.
Even if we were to carry on, the quarrels will be endless as he would find faults in the things that I do..
A few of my friends know and have seen the messages he sent to me.
Even they could not believe his words as they didn't sound like things he would say. He was becoming someone scary, so much to the extent I do not really know him anymore.

Yes, he is a VERY nice guy. As a friend, he is always helpful, friendly.. Someone who is always willing to go the extra mile. Seriously, he is the perfect friend to have! I wouldn't mind remaining as friends with him, although I doubt he would feel the same way. 

He used to be an optimistic and cheerful guy, but this relationship has since changed him into a solemn and somewhat depressed person.

Even if I really love him, I have decided to let him go. 

There is no point in having him feel so miserable for almost everything I do, especially when I am so much of a social media person.

However, being a social media person doesn't mean I am often socially involved with people. (I don't even fancy clubbing, going to pubs, drinking or even smoking)
 In fact, I have never failed to include him in most of my activities, including blogging events, etc.

Even if I were to meet a friend of the opposite gender, I would make it a point to inform and invited him to come along.

Of course, there is always two sides to a story. He could tell everyone how much I am unappreciative of him (when in fact I am REALLY thankful for everything he has done for me and NOTHING can change this fact).
At least, I dare to admit my flaws. I have a fiery temper. I get depressed easily. But none of those has ever affect my love for him in any way.

I do not hope that people who do not understand JUDGE me. There are MANY things that you guys are NOT able to understand - not even if you are at a friend level- unless you have been through my situation personally.
There were MANY underlying issues that resulted in the stage we are today.
They are accumulative. 

Whatever it is, I have decided to close this chapter of my life and move on despite how difficult this journey will be.

I wish him all the best and eventually find the Mrs Right that he deserves.
Again, I would like to emphasize that I have no intention to make anyone think negatively of him by posting this.
A relationship takes two hands to clap, and I am not perfect either.
For sure I have a part to play in the failure of the relationship as well and I'm not denying the fact , but at least...

I tried.
He tried.
We tried.

Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we hoped for it to be.
It does hurt to let go, but holding on hurts us even more.


 Thank you for all the sweet memories while they lasted... I am sorry that I am unable to walk down the journey with you as I wished to , growing old together as we hoped, and traveling to America for our future honeymoon as planned. 
But I'll always hold the memories close to my heart.... :') 
All the best! 

What's the BIG deal about FLOWERS?!

I believe this entry is going to garner abit of hate from girls - but well, its just based on my personal opinions and am certainly not targeting at anyone in particular.

One thing I have noticed, especially on Valentine's Day, is that guys tend to give flowers (such as roses, tulips, etc) ; while some girls WHINE if they didn't receive any. (It's true! I have personally seen how some girls whine about it. Like seriously?! Get a life.)

Well..Here's the question:

What's the BIG deal about receiving flowers?!

Oh PLEASE.

Yes, I agree flowers are one of the most beautiful-looking things in the world... BUT they are not something that I would classify as PRACTICAL in terms of giving them as a gift.

A bouquet of flowers can easily cost up to $50 dollars and even more, depending on the design and such.

 And the harsh reality has it that the flowers will WILT before your eyes as each day passes. Before you know it, they would end up in the rubbish chute. The only memories to be retained are photographs.

Laugh all you want, but I see these as PLANTS CRUELTY. Oh damn it.

Those beautiful flowers came from mother nature, and they were plucked from their natural environment just TO BE YOUR TEMPORARY GIFTS , and HAVE THEIR LIVES ENDING IN RUBBISH CHUTES?!

Don't get me wrong - I have been there, done that. I was given flowers before; and yes - I did feel the sadness when the petals began to dry up and became somewhat lifeless after 1-2 weeks. Even if they cost $50, $60 or even $10,000, they will eventually suffer the same fate and have to be thrown away. The helplessness.

With that same amount of money, I would rather it be spent on something that would be more of sentimental value; and leave those beautiful flowers alone.

I know some people would say that I am posting this entry because I am jealous (oh, whatever)... BUT indeed, people who know me well would know that I am against the idea of having flowers as gifts. Say what you want ; but it's just me.

Guys, let's face it.

Giving flowers don't mean SINCERITY (Come on, they can be bought at ANY florist shops, anytime! Just pay the money and you'll have a bouquet of majestic-looking flowers)

They are readily available, even at last minutes.

Maybe some girls just love the feeling of holding the flowers in their hands just so they can feel proud being the point of envy. *rolls eyes*

I don't envy you at all - I would only feel sympathetic towards the flowers you are holding.

Personally, flowers are only "surface gifts" - meant to make others look. (So materialistic, heh)

It's fine if you show them off ; but for sure it gets on my nerves if girls whine about not getting any flowers as gifts. 

Be more practical, lah. Get your boyfriends to splurge on something else. 

Duh.

Love at first sight = Beauty?

I believe all girls love to look beautiful. Don't you? (I'm assuming you are!)

And yes, this entry will probably cater to you - Both guys and girls.

We know GIRLS LOVE MAKEUP. Some may claim that makeup is their life, and they will NEVER leave their house without it. They wear makeup to dates, attract their boyfriends (most important factor! Lol).

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But how many are actually willing or daring enough to face your other half WITHOUT makeup? (And when I mean without, I meant ALL natural.)

Yes, I have heard enough blah stories from GUYS that they love girls who are NATURAL, but how many of them are willing to accept how their girlfriends really look like beneath the makeup? Its saddening, but there ARE indeed guys - which I call them Jerks (with a capital "J") - dump their girlfriends after seeing their "original face".  

(I came across this interesting question which a girl had posted in Yahoo! Answers which I am sure most girls will share the same sentiments: Click Here )

So... Is beauty all within the makeup?

I will say YES and NO.

Speaking from a girl's perspective, I would say makeup is important to a certain extent. Some people don't pile on tremendous amount of makeup, they just want to look presentable. I mean, what's wrong with concealing blemishes and pimples? Come to think of it, its really demoralizing to have people stare at those ugly markings on your face. You can't deny it - It's a human nature and tendency to stare at a person's pimple(s) when you are speaking directly to him/her in the face. I'm sure some of you have been there and done that. *smiles* 

And of course, there are girls out there who put on so much makeup on their face that it backfires. Somehow.  Stuff such as falsies, eyeliner, double eyelid stickers, thick layers of foundation, super duper red lipstick, etc... Sounds familiar? (By the way, I HATE lip glosses. They plump up your lips like nobody's business!)

Yes, such makeup may make you look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and bring you lots of head-turners on the streets, BUT I'm sure you will be a nervous wreck if your boyfriend tells you that he wants to see you without it.

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And questions will start to cloud your mind. 

"Will he mind my natural look?"

"Will he think I am ugly?"

"Will he dump me?"

Well, here's when I have my say:

If your guy truly loves you, he won't give a freaking damn of how you look like. You can look like an elephant or bamboo (sorry for my weird use of descriptions) but he will still shower you the same amount of attention and love. Guys who dump you for the wrong reasons are just hypocritical jerks who ain't worth your time. Stop sticking to a guy like that. Beauty is not only on the exterior, but the interior as well. Its undeniable that guys are getting increasingly realistic nowadays *grumbles*, but still, it doesn't change the fact that LOOKS shouldn't be a hindrance in a relationship.

Yet still, I DO have guy friends who told me that looks in a girl are important to them. And they will judge girls even before they get to know them as a person. (If you are one of those guys reading this, I'm sure you will feel a pang of guilt.)

It's childish to assume that looks are everything. Yes, this girl may look like the girl of your dreams, but how do you determine whether she will stay true to you? Beautiful girls are bound to get lots of attention, and I'm sure you are not the only guy who is on her mind. Ah, you get what I mean. :) If you want a true girlfriend, you have to learn how to accept what Mother Nature has given her.

You might be interested to read  THIS .

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And if you are a despo who just wants a pretty girlfriend for the sake of "showing off", here's a middle finger to you. Learn to look at yourself in the mirror first before you start judging a girl by her beauty.