Let It Go... ...

Yes, this post shall serve as a closure to a chapter in my life.

Although I do not have the need to answer to anyone, but in order to prevent people from probing or asking much - YES, we broke up.

It may come as a shock to many as we were always seen as such a loving/sweet/romantic couple. We behaved like what an ideal couple would be; often being envied by others for our seemingly flawless relationship.

 It almost seemed impossible for any break-up to happen between us, but sometimes... ... Life is indeed unexpected. 

Probably our love isn't meant to be, I don't know.

I am a simple lady; someone who is willing to love her guy wholeheartedly (and a loyal one at that) if treated the right way.

I am not accusing him of not treating me right - no. Don't get me wrong. In fact, he treated me like a princess. 

He sent me home daily whenever he could, bought me meals, never forgetting to tell me "I love You" daily, hugged me, waited for me whenever I worked late hours just to ensure I am home safely, showered me with gifts despite his limited financial capability (although I have often told him not to), cooked for me, etc... The list goes on. The amount of things he have done for me is beyond comprehension; and I do appreciate every single thing he did.

However, every relationship has its dark side as well. I am not trying to ruin his reputation here or pinpointing who is in the right or wrong. 

The sad fact is, we were quarreling almost on a daily basis - it's emotionally straining and have definitely taken a toll on our health as well; and most of the time were due to EXTERNAL issues.

As much as I accepted everything of him; I guess... I couldn't say the same for him.

1) I am a social media enthusiast

Even before our paths crossed, I was already very active in social media. I'm a blogger. I use Facebook frequently. I post updates very often.

Personally, I feel that it is perfectly normal to have friends commenting on the things I posted. This is social media afterall. I am not one that would want my social media life to interfere reality as I draw the line very well.

Imagine how appalled I was when he started getting pissed and confronted me for my friends'  casual comments over a photograph of myself; telling me how he hated the kind of attention I was attracting. Even with a simple comment that I look good would be enough to make him blow his top.

 In all honesty, most of my Facebook updates were for my documentation purposes meant for blogging. I had no means to attract any kind of attention (I have never thought of myself to be THAT attractive, anyway). I thought it was unfair to me in a sense that I have absolute no control over certain Facebook comments that were posted by others. 

I am not even anyone popular; how much attention can I get other than from my limited amount of  real life friends?

He told me that he could not understand why I have idiots (they are my real life friends) on my Facebook and felt they should be removed.

I made an effort to explain in whichever way I could; but was returned with him insisting that I should EXPECT the attention.

I believe it was more of expecting a quarrel from him whenever I receive positive comments on Facebook. It has happened way too MANY times - He has always confronted me and expressing how pissed he was over casual remarks made by my male friends. He hated any males who interacted with me.

Ever since I was attached, I had been very cautious of my Facebook and stopped accepting random friend requests from strangers that I do not know personally in real life. He was often expressing to me about his insecurities, and I respected that.

I was really faithful to him - and cheating, flirting, or getting associated with any guy other than him has never crossed my mind. I was so determined to make him my first and last boyfriend. (Hey, I would be so proud of this fact!)

I was very helpless as it appeared that I was forced to make a choice between social media and my relationship with him eventually. Compromising seemed to be out of the question for him.

 Bottomline: Do I really have to feel like a criminal for doing normal things?

2) Walking on eggshells

I felt like I was walking on eggshells every single time due to his insecurity issues. He was often paranoid about how other guys would "tackle" me (when in fact I have told him numerous times that I would definitely reject if that happens). 

Logically speaking, I have no control if any guy interacts with me. BUT I have the control to stop the interaction. Well, probably I did not give him enough sense of security to trust me enough? I have always felt that there is no trust in our relationship at all. No matter how much I attempted to assure him, he w ould often get paranoid whenever it comes to friends of the opposite gender. 

There were many times when he wanted me to change my Facebook's display picture that features us as a couple. To him, this is an added security feature that would keep assholes away from tackling me. He was pissed that I did not change my relationship status on Facebook as well to include his name in it.
For me, I gave him all the trust I could. I don't need him to declare his love to me openly-  As long as he does not do anything that is against moral values; I am perfectly fine with it. Even if he were to tell me that his group of friends would include several females ; I wouldn't make a fuss about it as well.

 I have told him before that my love for him is very real - and definitely not determined by any social media elements.

3) Blogging = Offence?

Being a blogger, advertising or promoting our own blog is common. I did a simple badge for myself on the Carousell app - which he was not happy about it at all and questioned me why I "like to do these kind of things" and said that I was an attention seeker.

Does promoting my blog (which is what most bloggers would do as well) make me an attention seeker?
After we had our fatal quarrel, I decided to calm down by not replying his messages temporarily for the night (I had an early train ride to catch the following day as well).
Much to my horror, I found myself being bombarded with his messages the next morning, stating his disbelief at how I could ignore him and "disappear" just like that.
I believe it's seriously a misunderstanding that will never be resolved. 

A girl can tell the whole world how much she loves her guy; but ended up cheating behind his back.

I may not be constantly telling everyone how much I love him, but one thing for sure - I did give him my heart.

Probably our love happened at the wrong time.
I have to accept the fact that as much as he claimed to love me, he had wanted to take minimal control of my life. I feel restrained whenever he felt unhappy over issues that I thought was normal, but they weren't to him.
He has seen social media as a threat to him, and there was no way that he would think otherwise despite my countless  explanations.
(He told me that he doesn't need any explanation).
Seriously, there is no point anymore.
Even if we were to carry on, the quarrels will be endless as he would find faults in the things that I do..
A few of my friends know and have seen the messages he sent to me.
Even they could not believe his words as they didn't sound like things he would say. He was becoming someone scary, so much to the extent I do not really know him anymore.

Yes, he is a VERY nice guy. As a friend, he is always helpful, friendly.. Someone who is always willing to go the extra mile. Seriously, he is the perfect friend to have! I wouldn't mind remaining as friends with him, although I doubt he would feel the same way. 

He used to be an optimistic and cheerful guy, but this relationship has since changed him into a solemn and somewhat depressed person.

Even if I really love him, I have decided to let him go. 

There is no point in having him feel so miserable for almost everything I do, especially when I am so much of a social media person.

However, being a social media person doesn't mean I am often socially involved with people. (I don't even fancy clubbing, going to pubs, drinking or even smoking)
 In fact, I have never failed to include him in most of my activities, including blogging events, etc.

Even if I were to meet a friend of the opposite gender, I would make it a point to inform and invited him to come along.

Of course, there is always two sides to a story. He could tell everyone how much I am unappreciative of him (when in fact I am REALLY thankful for everything he has done for me and NOTHING can change this fact).
At least, I dare to admit my flaws. I have a fiery temper. I get depressed easily. But none of those has ever affect my love for him in any way.

I do not hope that people who do not understand JUDGE me. There are MANY things that you guys are NOT able to understand - not even if you are at a friend level- unless you have been through my situation personally.
There were MANY underlying issues that resulted in the stage we are today.
They are accumulative. 

Whatever it is, I have decided to close this chapter of my life and move on despite how difficult this journey will be.

I wish him all the best and eventually find the Mrs Right that he deserves.
Again, I would like to emphasize that I have no intention to make anyone think negatively of him by posting this.
A relationship takes two hands to clap, and I am not perfect either.
For sure I have a part to play in the failure of the relationship as well and I'm not denying the fact , but at least...

I tried.
He tried.
We tried.

Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we hoped for it to be.
It does hurt to let go, but holding on hurts us even more.


 Thank you for all the sweet memories while they lasted... I am sorry that I am unable to walk down the journey with you as I wished to , growing old together as we hoped, and traveling to America for our future honeymoon as planned. 
But I'll always hold the memories close to my heart.... :') 
All the best! 

My (HAPPY) Birthday Weekend!

Gosh~ Time flies and this was the first time that I did NOT have time to look forward to my birthday at all. It was here even before I knew it.

BUT I still had a wonderful birthday with my loved ones - because they made it an awesome one for me! 

I don't know where to start off, but I guess I shall begin with my unexpected Saturday (which was my actual birthday) last week.

So my BFFs (Pei Wen and Miao) called me out for a *simple* lunch at Manhattan Fish Market (JCube), while plans had it that I would be meeting my momo boyfriend at later part of the day.

Miao said that she would be reserving the place for us; hence she was the one "who reached the earliest".
Well.. To cut the long story short....

Halfway through while I was occupied at the lunch table, both my BFFs disappeared to the toilet.

Well.. I did not think much of it until....

SOMEONE suddenly came up to where I was sitting from nowhere and spluttered "Happy Birthday".

There was something- which I later realized was a small birthday cake after being stunned for a mere 5 seconds - presented to me on the table.

No, the SOMEONE wasn't any of my BFFs. (Initially I thought the "someone" was a Manhattan waiter)

But .. It turned out UNEXPECTEDLY to be... ...

My Momo..
(He was grinning so happily in this photo. Hahaha)

*starts to shed tears of joy*

I couldn't believe my eyes for a second. (All the while I thought he was at home sleeping or something)

Soon, both of my BFFs reappeared along with him and started singing a birthday song for me at the top of their voices.
(Gosh, I love it how they were not afraid to be embarrassed while singing aloud in the restaurant!! *touched*)

Personally, this was really a huge surprise as my BFFs and momo do not quite know each other well.

AND they actually went through the effort to contact him just to plan this for me on my special day.

Gosh, how touched could I not be?! 

They then later told me that they had actually reached the venue earlier than I expected (while keeping me in the dark) and already planned everything.

Even the seat that I was sitting at was a specially chosen one after having tried and tested by them that it was a confirmed blind spot.

Our delicious seafood platter:

And I was soon presented a beautifully wrapped present from my BFFs:

Striking a pose with my pressie:

With my momo:

My BFFs requested me to open the pressie; and so I did:

(I was feeling so excited!)

 I opened it slowly and carefully (they said that it was fragile) ; to reveal a ... handmade DOMO.

I did not realize that I was actually KISSING the domo and my action was captured in action on camera:

Seriously, no words can describe how touched I was when I saw the handmade domo right in front of my eyes... So touched that I literally went speechless.

My facial expression does not lie. Even the blind can see that I was at the peak of happiness:

The feeling was indescribable.
I knew that the Domo was definitely not an easy one to make, and requires a hell load of time and effort to do it. Even as an ex-art student myself, I doubt it would have been a possible task for me. I am not good with clay and handicrafts.
And it really warms my heart when I held onto the Domo, knowing that it is a creation of blood and sweat from both my BFFs; whom had came together to make it specially for me.
Girls, thank you soooo, sooo much for the valuable present. It means alot to me, and I'll absolutely treasure it for as long as I live. It sure is a one-kind Domo that I will not be able to find anywhere else in the world. Even if there is a similar one, it will NEVER be the same or comparable (not even close) with the one that you girls had made for me.
It isn't just any ordinary gift, but a gift of love, sincerity, thoughts and friendship, etc...
Thank you for making me feel like the happiest birthday girl on earth!

A picture with my lovely ones:

(I stole this picture from Pei Wen's Facebook. Thanks, Wen! Haha)

And one from my camera: (I realized that the flash was too strong and momo was trying to open his eyes so hard as depicted in this picture. HAHAHA)

And here's a collage of the domo-making process - in courtesy of Pei Wen:

(Look at the amount of hard work they have invested!)

Awww.. I just love my BFFs, lah!!

My day was just full of surprises, and all did not end just there. My momo had prepared his own individual surprise for me ; which was later revealed to me at night.

(He had been dropping me hints prior to my birthday that there would be a "treasure island" for me... I was like "What the heck is this treasure island about??!")

It was simply an emotional day for me when all was finally revealed -(No, no - don't get me wrong - it isn't the SAD kind of emotional; but happiness, touched, etc... All mixed in one in a good way. :)

Momo told me that he had actually planned everything from scratch for months (Awwww)... and that he was nervous himself when the day was finally here.

Well, I was just as nervous as he was!

He brought me to his house, "blindfolded" me and led me in... slowly and carefully..

When it was ready for me to open my eyes, he switched off the lights.

There was a beautiful green glow around his room.

There it was -a magical glow on his table. He led me closer and I was amazed at the sight before me.

It was a round tank that was glowing with my favorite items inside - including a Halloween-themed bearbrick:

The picture was actually taken with lights switched off.

Trust me, it looks so much more amazing in real life. 

He gave me a "glow-in-the-dark" door gift as well - a mini treasure chest that looked like it came out from a fairytale:

I did not even think this is possible:

Lying in it was a glow-in-the-dark nail polish.

Well, if you are wondering why was everything in a "glow-in-the-dark" mode - it was because I have always loved such stuff and anything pertaining to Halloween. Hence, Momo was trying to give me a "Halloween-themed" birthday surprise; something he knew that I would love - and I really did.

Fancy that - He actually went through alot of hard work and effort to get everything in place, to the extent of searching for a supplier to get that special glow-in-the-dark ingredient to make the items GLOW.

There was a sweet love letter that came with it as well...

(The heart-shape was drawn on by him using glow-in-the-dark paint too! And it glowed really beautifully with lights off)

There was a real cactus in the tank!

(He remembered that I mentioned once that I would like to keep a cactus... And so he got me one as part of my surprise *sobs*)

It was like staring into another world whenever I looked into the tank.

It's so freaking beautiful, right?!

Here's the overall outlook:

(I just could not have enough of spamming photos of the same thing over and over again!)

My lovely birthday gifts from the lovely one of my life:

most And his mum prepared me a gift as well!

Awwww.... Thank you, auntie! I really love the doggy pillow!! :D

 

My birthday in 2013 may not be the most significant one ; but it sure was one of the most memorable ones as it marked the first time that I was celebrating it with my dearest momo.

Truth to be told, I have never had any boyfriend celebrating my birthday with me before ; and he was my very first.

I was touched beyond words when I heard how much he went through just to prepare everything from scratch - to the final product that I am looking at now.

To me, the price of a gift does not matter. What matters most is the sentimental value of it, and I am proud to say that it is one of my most treasured possessions.

There may be millions of people around the world who were celebrating their birthdays the same day as me, but one thing for sure - I felt like the most blessed and happiest one on 19th October 2013.

Thank you for coming into my life and painting it with such fanciful colors, momo.

I may not be sweet with words ; but I hope you can feel how much I appreciate everything you have done for me...

I love you.

......

And I have a special mention here for my laopo a.k.a Shreky - my dearest friend whom I have known since my early polytechnic days. I still remembered the first day of how and when I met her (Yes! It was during our school's freshman orientation) ; and the positive impression she left on me.

She struck me as a humble, nice and shy girl... and she indeed is!

I am always thankful for the friendship; and am glad that we are still in contact years after our graduation. (I actually married her on Facebook! AND MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS A LESBIAN. No, no. I am legally straight!!! Hahahaha. It's all just in the fun of Facebook.)

She met me out specially for lunch on 17th October 2013; and gave me a glass of MARIMO balls!

Too darn cute!!!!

Look at those balls. They are actually alive and can GROW!

It's like taking care of a plant; and water has to be changed weekly.

CUTE, RIGHT?!?!

Hahaha, I have since placed it in my bedroom and taking out to see it whenever I am free.

Thank you, my dearest laopo shreky... Although we are leading different working lives now- but I really appreciate the fact that we still managed to meet out every now and then. I am always happy even when it is just a simple lunch or dinner!

I thank God that our paths crossed - and Shreky friends forever! :)

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And the following Sunday was another birthday celebration with my secondary school clique - Pei Wen, Shi Yun and Si Ling.

We had a buffet at Orchard Grant Court!

As below is a compilation of our food... We actually spent more than three hours chatting, resting and chiong-ing for MORE food.

(The dory fish slices, mango cake and durian melaka were the most delicious of the lot!)

Ling and Yun gave me a laptop bag and a laptop fan cooler; which I really love as it is just the perfect bag for the new laptop that I recently purchased! (I shall blog more about this in future posts)

Both Ling and Yun wrote me a sweet note and birthday card as well; and Ling gave me this handphone jack -which I immediately put it to good use. Hahaha.

Thank you to all my dear friends who have made my birthday in 2013 such an eventful one. I am thankful for each and every birthday messages, Facebook posts, text messages (You know who you are) that I received during my birthday. I appreciate even the simplest thoughts!

 It's people like you that make me feel blessed ; and there is nothing more I can ask for.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

THANK YOU, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

Love or Hate? ABTM's star admitted to violence on his Girlfriend

So I came across this piece of (not so) juicy news on Yahoo and STOMP:

(I have wanted to blog about it but didn't have time to)

‘Ah Boys to Men’ star Ridhwan Azman admits to hitting girlfriend online

Basically, this guy - more widely known as one of the Ah Boys to Men (ABTM) stars, (I believe those who watched the movie would have recognized him) hit and 'strangled' his girlfriend - according to what she had proclaimed on her blog.

Crushed, she confided in two of her trusted confidants-complete with photo evidences of what appeared to be her bruised face- and that was when the matter caught the media's attention after it went viral on social media sites such as Twitter, etc.

Both were eventually depressed, and the guy admitted to his act.

When I first read the news, I was like...SERIOUSLY???!!

I know many Netizens out there are criticizing them and saying things like they are not famous enough to deserve such limelight, etc...

But you can't deny the fact that the guy, Ridhwan Azman, has gained a certain extent of fame after his appearances in the Jack Neo's movie.

And it's inevitable that such matters will not be taken lightly - especially when it comes to guys beating up their own girlfriends.

(Do you even think this is acceptable? Violence in a relationship?)

I understand that there are always two sides to the story, and many have said it was the girl's fault as well since she was the one who "triggered" the fight first, etc.

However, I still can't get over the fact that a guy can just hit his girlfriend like that. 

According to his girlfriend, he even dragged her out of a cab "like an animal" during the commotion. Although no one can testify that since none of us have seen it with our own eyes, BUT if that was true....

Then seriously, I would say it's a... Beastly act.

Firstly, she is ONLY your girlfriend. Not even your wife. 

(And even if so, that doesn't entitle you to hitting her)

If violence has already been introduced at such an initial stage, I can't imagine how the marriage will look like 10 - 20 years down the road. Probably weapons would be introduced? LOL.

Secondly, if you are a REAL (I mean, as in really skin deeeep) GENTLEMAN, hitting her definitely would not have crossed your mind - no matter what. It's simply... unacceptable.

You are responsible for your own action(s). The fact that you even laid a finger on her and hurting her that much physically just shows how much of a "gentleman" you are.

Yes, I understand there are many girls out there who behave in such a manner that you may feel like hitting them in that instance, but I believe that such thoughts are within your control.

Talk about ethics.

(Unless the girl is a potential threat to your life and is charging at you with a knife, then that will be another story altogether if you hit her for self-defense purposes. Lol.)

Thirdly, you are considered a public figure. Is it even a rational thing to behave like... that?

It's not easy to be able to climb the ladder of fame in Singapore. And you are not even really THERE yet...As compared to bigshot celebrities, you are only a small fry. Sorry but it's just the harsh truth. You may have your fair share of "fans", but that's just it. ABTM is only giving you 60 seconds of fame.

Yes, you fell and now you have to clean your own mess. There are bound to have your supporters disappointed in you because of your unethical act. 

I will not touch on racial issues since I am not someone who likes to get involved in such topics. Personally, I find that it is alright for people of different races to be together in a relationship - as long as you understand each other's culture and give your respect.

It does make me think deeper about guys and relationships after this incident shed light onto social media. It's really scary and disappointing at the same time how a what seemed to be a happy relationship turned out to be like this.

You can say you love her countless times, but do you... Really??

(For those who are interested to read their blog posts that contain their side of story, here are the links:

Ridwhan's blog post: http://ridhwannabe.blogspot.sg/2013/08/i-love-this-girl.html

Luna Woo (girlfriend)'s blog post: http://arandombloggaddress.blogspot.sg/

On a side note, I found one of the girlfriend's Youtube videos online... Although I am not exactly sure whether it can be considered in the name of fun... But you can clearly see that Ridhwan seemed to be hitting her in order to make her cry for a scene. She was heard saying "Stop hitting me" in the video and tears followed suit.

I understand if she was just sacrificing for the video, but... ....

Skip the front parts if you aren't interested. Just scroll to 3:54.