Saturday, 10 May 2014

The way a healthy relationship should be

I am no expert or professional when it comes to relationships, but I am merely posting this from my perception AS A GIRL of how I THINK a healthy relationship should be. 
Some may disagree (it's alright since everyone is entitled to their own opinion); but these are MINE.

1) Personal Space

I believe this is something that most girls (or maybe guys) would be afraid to ask for ; especially if they have an overly-attached boyfriend/girlfriend.
As much as both of you love each other like there's no end to the world, each of you deserve your own PERSONAL SPACE.
In fact, it is an essential element of a healthy relationship. Guys/Girls who are constantly getting annoyed or pissed whenever the girlfriend/boyfriend has their own activities need to learn the basic RESPECT.
Loving someone is not about OWNING them. There are times when both parties have their own interests to pursue as well. 
Having personal space does not mean your special someone will do something unfaithful or bad behind your back.  It simply means respecting each other's privacy to do what he/she wants without being overly imaginative or upset that he/she is doing something without you.

2) Acceptance

Whether it is BEFORE or during the process of wooing the girl of your dreams, take the time to really UNDERSTAND her and the things she does as part of her lifestyle, such as her hobbies and passion, etc.
Do you see yourself accepting everything about her; and overlooking the little flaws because you just love her for who she is?
Or do you find yourself trying to change/restrict her because you are against the things that she usually enjoy doing? (Seriously?)
Nothing is of perfection in this world. It's all about ACCEPTANCE.
If you know that her "pattern" is already like that; and it is something that you find acceptable - by all means, go for it.
Do not complain later when you already knew she is only being herself- Afterall, you chose her and should not expect her to give up everything for you. (Unless the girl is stupid enough to be a no-lifer)
Don't give comments such as "If you love me, you would care about how I feel blah blah blah".
YES, if YOU LOVE HER, then never, ever attempt to restrict the things that she enjoy doing in order to make yourself feel better. Even if you do not like it, learn to compromise.
If loving you means expecting her to give up the little things she enjoy doing during her free time; then you should either get a life, or move on and find someone who lives in a cave.

Love is about being different YET accepting each other's differences and making it work.
Do not expect and demand that people fit into your mould before you love them.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences and mistakes and YET still sees the best in you. 

3) Physical/Moral Support

Do you have a supportive partner that will always offer his/her best wishes to you- even if it means something that would be of disadvantage to him/her? 
I'll quote an example.
Your girlfriend or boyfriend is eager to clinch that scholarship he/she has always wanted so badly. However, having that scholarship will mean that both of you have to sacrifice spending time together as much as before.
Dilemma much?
Will you give him/her your support and sincerely wish the best for him/her, OR be upset and whine about how both of you will have lesser time together -and even secretly wishing that he/she would not get it so it wouldn't happen? 
If you are someone who understands love, I'm sure this isn't a difficult question to answer.


I have heard countless stories of how boyfriends would constantly check on their girlfriends; be it browsing through her chat histories with her friends on their phones, demanding to know where she is every single time. (Yes, these are true stories based on what some of my friends told me)
Despite the fact that she has never cheated and even given you constant reassurances, will you start DOUBTING her every single time when she is out of your sight?

She goes down to the coffeeshop, you'll think that the coffeeshop uncle will tackle her.
She goes to the bus-stop, you'll think that a guy asking for directions will tackle her.
She interacts with a normal guy friend, you'll think that there is something fishy and he is up to no good.
She enters the lift with a guy by coincidence, you'll feel unhappy.

Does your imagination run wild and your mind starting to build its own assumptions?
 Come on, where is the basic TRUST?
Yes, some guys have insecurities issues or even inferiority complex. Unfortunately, that is something that they have to overcome.
Stop thinking that every guy is a threat to you - Be confident that no guy can be ever compared to your status for she has chosen you and ONLY you as the one.
If loving her means she has to give you 101% of her attention without being out of your sight in order to make you feel secure, then I am sorry to say that you are just a selfish snob.

Good relationship doesn't need promise, terms and conditions. It just need a She who can trust and a He who can be loyal.

5) Jealousy

It's true when people say that Jealousy is a killer. 
And it's ironic when jealousy is always associated with LOVE.
Don't get me wrong. It is perfectly alright and normal to feel jealous.
However, you should know that the red light is shining when you get OVERLY jealous; so much that it is to an extreme level.

Do you find yourself feeling jealous when your girlfriend is receiving attention from the opposite gender?
Take social media platforms such as Facebook for example.

There are girls who take limitless amount of selfies (Hey, it's a trend now!) and post them on their profile. In less than half an hour, there would be hundreds or even thousands (depends on the girl's popularity or appealing factor) of comments and/or "likes"; mostly from the opposite gender.
As a boyfriend, would you feel proud that she is your girlfriend; or do you blame her for the attention?

As a girl, it is NORMAL to receive attention from guys (especially if you are extra beautiful or attractive). This is a fact. Men are attracted to girls. UNLESS YOU ARE NOT A REAL MAN.

Does your boyfriend find fault in you just because of the attention you are attracting - even when you least expect it?
 (If the answer is "Yes", I am sure you will feel yourself being trapped as a helpless soul)
By blaming her for the attention beyond her control is just like blaming her that she is born a female.
Confident men will be proud of their partners. If she isn't attractive/appealing to begin with, would you even have taken notice of her in the first place?
Have FAITH in her. If she truly loves you, no amount of attention given by other men would change her heart. (It's not like she is flirting with them in return anyway, right?! Unless if she is, then I would say that she isn't a keeper)
A girl receiving attention isn't a crime - So don't make it appear like it is.

6) Guilt-tripping

Guilt-tripping is one of the worst killers ever. This usually works for people who feel guilty easily; but it sure is an unhealthy trait in any relationship.
If you have no idea what Guilt-tripping is all about, here is an example:

Girl: Honey, I would like to meet my friends for dinner and probably catch a movie tonight. 

Boy: *appears upset* Does that mean that we are unable to spend time together today then?

Girl: Aww.. I am sorry. But I have already promised my friends and it has been a long time since we last catch up.

Boy: Well then, go for it if that makes you happy. Seems like I'll have to spend tonight ALL BY MYSELF and eat dinner ALL ALONE. Go ahead to meet your friends ba. 

Girl: *starts feeling guilt-stricken* But...

Boy: *trying to act all fine* Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine BY MYSELF.

Now... Do you get what I mean by guilt-tripping?? It's a psychological effect to make the other party feel GUILTY when things don't really go the way you desire.
Its an act of inducing guilt.
Don't be mistaken - Sometimes people do not even know that they are committing guilt-tripping. They do it sub-consciously.
I know of friends who feel guilty really easily, and I am 100% sure they will be victims of guilt-tripping if such situations happen. 

Relationship is about GIVE and TAKE. In fact, there isn't a PERFECT match in this world. Perfection is when both parties accept each other imperfections and compromise on the differences.

Always remember, LOVE is supposed to enhance your life, not COMPLICATE your life.
Should a relationship fail, do not think about what the other party did wrong. Instead, think about what YOU did wrong. Learn, improve and ensure not to repeat them in the next.

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